Don't get me wrong. It's vitally important to work towards a great and fulfilling relationship - which of course does not happen over night. It takes time to really understand each other, to appreciate the differences, and to find that bliss that some couples are blessed with.
Sometimes the only difference between a great relationship and a not so great one, is the use of tools. One of those tools is good, honest to goodness, sweet as apple pie 'sound advice'. It will help you make all those important assessments and decisions. Which is my intention today.
In our fast lives and soppy romantic movies, we are fooled in to believing that relationship success is easy and effortless. No one ever takes the time to explain the strategies that could be implemented, the understanding that needs to be nurtured. Somehow it's all implied - by default you should know what works and what doesn't.
Erm ok.
What is one to do - if people refer to you as either a doormat or a quitter depending on whether you stay in a miserable situation or leave.
Now that over two thirds of marriages end in divorce, the importance of good quality advice is paramount. Keep your eyes and ears open, right from the beginning. Make silent notes (or even written) of the behaviour that bothers you and don't make excuses for them. Similarly don't have unreasonable or unrealistic expectations.
Fore-warned is Fore-armed.
Do Any of These Unhealthy Relationship Types Sound Familiar?
1. The Angry
Sounds pretty obvious ladies and gents, but any form of physical abuse is not to be tolerated. Get out now especially if children are involved.
If you want to salvage and work on the 'relationship' only do so from a safe distance and only then with the highest regard for your personal safety.
You are not responsible for their happiness, childhood, moods or feelings. We are only responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and happiness. Seek professional advice and support as you are not their therapist.
2. The Bitter Pill
They just love to highlight your mistakes and mishaps, and seem oblivious to your success and gifts. They are never happy for you.
They feel better by putting others down. They are emotional blood suckers.
Get out while you still have a back bone. If want to attempt to salvage this 'relationship' I recommend doing so with the help of a neutral third party - who will help point out their behaviour in a non-threatening way.
3. The Love Rat
Something doesn't seem quite right but you're not sure what it is. They love to interrogate you about your calls, cell phone or emails, but are very cagey about their stuff and movements.
They project their guilty emotions on to you by holding you responsible for all their suspicions, stress and unhappiness.
Get proof and get out soon.
4. The Power Hungry
Do they sulk and get moody if you go out with your friends or family?
Look out for subltle control scennarios such as unexpected illnesses or catastrophes just before you are about to have a night out with your friends.
They are insecure and feel threatened by you and those in your life, despite your numerous reassurances.
If you are still willing to work on this - do so with the help of a neutral third party. But do ask yourself how long you are willing to put up with this?
5. You've Lost That Loving Feeling
If your drives are very different, or one of you recently had a loss of drive, then this of course could result in a bit of future tension.
This could be easily rectified by a bit of help and support in other areas of your lives. Speak openly with your beloved to better understand the situation.
The bedroom is and will aways be a bit of a battleground. Unless we can discuss things in a mature and honest manner, low drive could actually be a sign of boredom, fatigue, lack of intimacy, resentment and pure dislike of the other party.
6. The Eternal Child
They are still a 60's wild child. Although not so free and single.
They may actually be in more need of a parent then a partner. Often needy, posessive, and irresponsible they love to be taken care of.
You will end up drained, tired and resentful as you end up giving more than you get.
7. In Need of Repair
These poor little 'victims' have a history of being hurt and taken for granted.
If only they had the strength and courage to write these hurts down and pick out the patterns.
Due to the fragile nature of their egos, they will never accept your love and attention as the 'real deal'.
You may want to involve a neutral third party so that their negativity can be pointed out to them. You may end up tired of re-assuring them. You have been warned.
8. Self Love Gone Too Far
Indulged by a parent or parents from day one - they can do no wrong. It's all your fault.
Attachment to the adoring parent runs deep. Therefore they are always the cute and innocent party.
It's time to come back down to earth. Get a neutral third party involved if they do not believe you.
If they still do not see the light, give them their marching orders.
9. Hygiene - Not Just for The Kitchen
What is that smell?! If you're like me and your stomach is not so strong, then poor personal and hygiene habits could make you run for the hills. Speed is of the essence.
We all value hygiene and self care. Ask yourself why you would want to spend time with someone who hasn't bothered to look and smell good for you.
10. Hello - Is it Me Your Looking For?
Entirely focused on their selves, comfort and goals they often forget that you exist. However they still expect support and help from you - but if you need the same, you can forget about it.
State you needs and expectations. Tell these people what you will and will not tolerate and them minimum level of respect and appreciation that you expect. Send them on their way if end up repeating yourself more twice.
You are not their slave. Get out pronto.
Always bear in mind that you may be contributing to the unhealthy relationship via your own issues, beliefs and personality. If you have honestly tried to discuss the situation with your beloved, tried to make great efforts, and have gone out of your way to understand them - they it may be time to make important decisions. A neutral third party is always a great way to view the situation and the people involved in fair and honest way. However if all else fails - put your thinking cap on.
You are a child of the universe and you deserve to treated with respect and appreciation at all times.
To your health and happiness! - 16759
Sometimes the only difference between a great relationship and a not so great one, is the use of tools. One of those tools is good, honest to goodness, sweet as apple pie 'sound advice'. It will help you make all those important assessments and decisions. Which is my intention today.
In our fast lives and soppy romantic movies, we are fooled in to believing that relationship success is easy and effortless. No one ever takes the time to explain the strategies that could be implemented, the understanding that needs to be nurtured. Somehow it's all implied - by default you should know what works and what doesn't.
Erm ok.
What is one to do - if people refer to you as either a doormat or a quitter depending on whether you stay in a miserable situation or leave.
Now that over two thirds of marriages end in divorce, the importance of good quality advice is paramount. Keep your eyes and ears open, right from the beginning. Make silent notes (or even written) of the behaviour that bothers you and don't make excuses for them. Similarly don't have unreasonable or unrealistic expectations.
Fore-warned is Fore-armed.
Do Any of These Unhealthy Relationship Types Sound Familiar?
1. The Angry
Sounds pretty obvious ladies and gents, but any form of physical abuse is not to be tolerated. Get out now especially if children are involved.
If you want to salvage and work on the 'relationship' only do so from a safe distance and only then with the highest regard for your personal safety.
You are not responsible for their happiness, childhood, moods or feelings. We are only responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and happiness. Seek professional advice and support as you are not their therapist.
2. The Bitter Pill
They just love to highlight your mistakes and mishaps, and seem oblivious to your success and gifts. They are never happy for you.
They feel better by putting others down. They are emotional blood suckers.
Get out while you still have a back bone. If want to attempt to salvage this 'relationship' I recommend doing so with the help of a neutral third party - who will help point out their behaviour in a non-threatening way.
3. The Love Rat
Something doesn't seem quite right but you're not sure what it is. They love to interrogate you about your calls, cell phone or emails, but are very cagey about their stuff and movements.
They project their guilty emotions on to you by holding you responsible for all their suspicions, stress and unhappiness.
Get proof and get out soon.
4. The Power Hungry
Do they sulk and get moody if you go out with your friends or family?
Look out for subltle control scennarios such as unexpected illnesses or catastrophes just before you are about to have a night out with your friends.
They are insecure and feel threatened by you and those in your life, despite your numerous reassurances.
If you are still willing to work on this - do so with the help of a neutral third party. But do ask yourself how long you are willing to put up with this?
5. You've Lost That Loving Feeling
If your drives are very different, or one of you recently had a loss of drive, then this of course could result in a bit of future tension.
This could be easily rectified by a bit of help and support in other areas of your lives. Speak openly with your beloved to better understand the situation.
The bedroom is and will aways be a bit of a battleground. Unless we can discuss things in a mature and honest manner, low drive could actually be a sign of boredom, fatigue, lack of intimacy, resentment and pure dislike of the other party.
6. The Eternal Child
They are still a 60's wild child. Although not so free and single.
They may actually be in more need of a parent then a partner. Often needy, posessive, and irresponsible they love to be taken care of.
You will end up drained, tired and resentful as you end up giving more than you get.
7. In Need of Repair
These poor little 'victims' have a history of being hurt and taken for granted.
If only they had the strength and courage to write these hurts down and pick out the patterns.
Due to the fragile nature of their egos, they will never accept your love and attention as the 'real deal'.
You may want to involve a neutral third party so that their negativity can be pointed out to them. You may end up tired of re-assuring them. You have been warned.
8. Self Love Gone Too Far
Indulged by a parent or parents from day one - they can do no wrong. It's all your fault.
Attachment to the adoring parent runs deep. Therefore they are always the cute and innocent party.
It's time to come back down to earth. Get a neutral third party involved if they do not believe you.
If they still do not see the light, give them their marching orders.
9. Hygiene - Not Just for The Kitchen
What is that smell?! If you're like me and your stomach is not so strong, then poor personal and hygiene habits could make you run for the hills. Speed is of the essence.
We all value hygiene and self care. Ask yourself why you would want to spend time with someone who hasn't bothered to look and smell good for you.
10. Hello - Is it Me Your Looking For?
Entirely focused on their selves, comfort and goals they often forget that you exist. However they still expect support and help from you - but if you need the same, you can forget about it.
State you needs and expectations. Tell these people what you will and will not tolerate and them minimum level of respect and appreciation that you expect. Send them on their way if end up repeating yourself more twice.
You are not their slave. Get out pronto.
Always bear in mind that you may be contributing to the unhealthy relationship via your own issues, beliefs and personality. If you have honestly tried to discuss the situation with your beloved, tried to make great efforts, and have gone out of your way to understand them - they it may be time to make important decisions. A neutral third party is always a great way to view the situation and the people involved in fair and honest way. However if all else fails - put your thinking cap on.
You are a child of the universe and you deserve to treated with respect and appreciation at all times.
To your health and happiness! - 16759
About the Author:
Hi I'm Rebecca Adams - and i've been giving free relationship help to singles and couples. So whether your new to dating, just starting a relationship, walking the dating minefield, or happily or unhappily married - there's something for you! Pick up your free Gift today : The 8 Keys to Having a Great Relationship Experience -- And Why it All Starts With YOU!
